An Essay By Me

WHY I BOUGHT A COMPUTER

by

Michael Trees

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Like almost all of you, I am hooked to the energy corporations, which I know next to nothing about.  I have an uneasy feeling about this parasitic relationship but tend to ignore it.  In my work I try to be as efficient and as powerful as possible.  As a Biomed I do almost all of my work with computers and electronics.  As a craftsman I work with power tools and word processors. 

I don't let my wife help me.  She has little knowledge of my work or craft.  My boys help me, but only so long as I'm not sawing, routing, drilling, typing or doing anything of any foreseeable decible level or difficulty.  I teach them as much as they will allow.

I bought a computer.  I bought a computer in 1992, 2002, and 2009.  Most people assure me this is a good thing.  I like my computer.  I have several reasons.  They are goodish ones. 

I have no clue what my work or existence causes for impact on the world.  Nor have I really cared.  Nor do I really think my use of a computer compromises any moral responsibility aside from it's implication in my addiction to pornography for which I can thank it and a dumpster behind the video store. 

I admire computer manufacturers based on cost, style, and function.  Apple is sexy, fast, and reliable but too damned expensive.  Acer is cheap but I suspect substandard manufacturing and possible child slavery.  So I bought Dell.  I like Dell.  I don't know why I like Dell.  I've never been to a Dell store, office, plant or any other related place.  I've been to their website and they sold me this computer I'm typing on now.  The space key malfunctions occasionally but for the price I can't complain too greatly.  What a great price.  I'm pretty sure I've been seduced but I can't seem to care.  I like being seduced.  And this computer has brought me a great deal of good.  For example: I type on it and it corrects me though many times I ignore its advice, I watch movies on it, shop on it, and I blog on it.  For the most part I got it for internet and all the associated possibilities therein.  Sara also uses the computer for socializing.  My kindergartner apparently needs one for school as well.

What did the computer cost me?  485 US dollars.  I bought it by means of a beneficial mortgage refinancing schedule.  I'm not sure if this actually cost me or not.  It was nice not having a house payment for two months though.  My old model was another computer.  A Dell as well.  My oldest model before that was another computer.  I've never had a person to work with in the place of technology so I've never had to replace them.  I may read fewer books because of it and so replace the wonder of the written word, but I now have any idle curiosity satiated with my pointer finger on a whim.  I like this power of knowledge.  The computer brings me one step closer to nothing in particular and everything in general.  I'm not sure if I'll be replaced by a computer at some point.  This is a matter I'd rather not consider because it seems to be a distinct possibility at moments.  Sara has felt at times as if she had been replaced with the computer. 

Although I can't fool myself into believing I write better with a computer I believe I'll write more.  I can't prove this and I don't need to.  I blog so I compute.  There you go. 

Here are my standards for technological innovation as if I needed any.

1. The new tool should be cheaper than the one it replaces.

2. It should be at least as small in scale as the one it replaces.

3. It should be snazzier.

4. It should give more power.

5. If possible it should work without me leaving my armchair.

6. It should be throw away repair.

7. It should be glow in the dark.

8. It should come from a highly reliable, homogenous corporation I can rely on for reasons I can't quite put my finger on.

9. It should consolidate my life into one momentous icon.

I doubt I'll have to many letters to respond to on this essay.